So, I tried

After reading a lot of posts and doing some soul searching I tried to explain to DH exactly how I felt.  All I got in return was how I don't love our boys and if I ever had a girl I would just kick them to the curb.  Yes, that's exactly what he told me.  He will never understand.  I cannot even put into words how deeply hurt I am that he cannot understand and actually believes that I would ever give up any of my boys for a girl.  And, again with the comments of how if #1 had been a girl we wouldn't have had any more children.  I just give up.  I was so positive and feeling so hopeful I could get him to understand and help me instead of always judging me, but I now know that is not possible.  I am not going to bring it up again.  I am just done. 

Oh hun... I am so sorry.  That's just awful.  Just because you want a DD does NOT mean that you would love your boys any less!!  I really wish I had some better words of advice, or something to make you feel better...

Just, don't give up.  There has got to be a way to make your husband understand.  Have you tried writing it down in a letter?  Sometimes, I find that I can better compose myself if I have time to think about what I need to say.. and can get my point across better... kwim? (Ugh, this response is a horrible example of that though!)

 

 There are select few books about GD out there....maybe he needs to read one.

Oh... I am so sorry.  It would be nice if our dh's would understand... just a little.  It is just hard.  Stick around here.  We understand you.  You are not lone at all. 

I hate hate hate that arguement that once our desired gender child comes... the other will be gone.  That is just so stupid.  If anything I love him more... for just being him.  I also go out of my way to make him feel special.  That is stupid. 

Im so sorry.  BIG HUGS!!!

I am so sorry! GD is such a hard thing to explain! Grieving the dream of the daughter you still think and about dream of is gd for you. For some reason most people think that gd means that we don't love the children we have been given because they were not the gender we wanted them to be. My hubby doesn't get it either. I made a quote (but it was probably something I read along the way and subconsciously copied) that really helped my hubby understand. 

"Housed within the gap between hopes/dreams and reality is where gender disappointment resides. It is not that we do not appreciate the beautiful blessings we have been given but rather, we grieve the dream that may never come to be."

Remember that this forum is here and we all understand how you feel! I don't know what I would do without the understanding ladies o nthis board! (((HUGS)))

I am so sorry your Dh doesnt understand. It is hard for some people to understand why others would like the opposite gender to raise & that it wouldnt mean the love you have for your boys would be any less if you had a DD. I could have 10 boys & still adore each one.The sadness I feel is I may not get the chance to have a DD to raise. To not have a chance to have a mother & DD relationship. Maybe it is harder for your DH to understand as he has that father & son relationship? I hope in time he can listen & know that your feelings for wanting a DD are separate from the love you have for your wonderful sons..xo

OHHHH bloody hell what a stubborn little so and so. I am so sorry he didn't listen let him read some of the ladies threads in the GD forum. You could always sway on the sly i am going to do that with my DP even though he is totally on board with my decision he just doesn't want to do the diet... He will eat what i make him!!!!!!! I know it seems hard but believe me my DP thought that i was selfish and i just kept joking saying oh no i cant eat that if i am ever to have a DD and oneday he snapped at me and i just bluntly said well if you think it is a load of crap then lets try it then if i have another boy then so be it but you think you know everything then put your money where yourt mouth is. And if you think that i am selfish and i dont love my sons then why the hell are they well fed and happy???? if i hated them so much would i stay home for them everyday and take them to the doctors when they need to go and read them stories before bed if i didnt love them answer me that one. Until you spend a few days in my shoes dont you dare call me selfish and make claims like i dont love those boys.... dont you dare!!! Oh and i cried too ha ha ha he didn't speak to me for a few days but he hasn't said anything like that again.

Men are silly and just don't understand, especially if they already have their son(s). I bet you if you had had 5 girls, he be willing to try anything to have a son. It's some sort of genetic code, most women want both genders of course, but it seems that men always want that little boy to teach catch too, and all women want that little girl to go shopping with. It's just a special bond that everyone wants. There's nothing wrong with wanting a girl, and it certainly does not mean you wouldn't love your boys every bit as much as you did and more. Very few people actually don't care at all about the sex of their children, who would be okay with have 10 boys or 10 girls and not worrying about wanting the opposite gender. It's just silly to expect someone to. The "ideal" family usually comes with at least one boy, a girl, parents who are married and still happy, and the good ol' family pet. How is it wrong to want that?

Dawn, I am so sorry he just cant see what you are going threw.  I dont think any husband(or anyone else that doesnt have GD), REALLY get it.  I know my dh wanted another girl.  But it didnt break him into a million pieces when we found out boy.  But he does understand this is more than a 'want' for me.  The desire runs deep.  And if I could make it go away, I would, as Im sure lots of us would.  The pain is real.  It is mourning.

If you want, maybe i could get Craig to email him and maybe hear it from a dh that 'kinda' gets it.  Let me know Hon.  {{HUGS}}

I think to him a baby is a baby and it doesn't matter the gender.  So, it's not like we have 4 boys to him we have 4 kids and that's all there is to it.  Yes, I know he wanted a son the first time.  He was so, so happy.  After the first one he didn't care at all what we had.  I think he kinda felt disappointed for me each time that they said "boy" because he knew I wanted a girl.  I really just don't want to bring it up to him again.  When he gets an idea in his head there is no changing it.  Obviously he is right and I am wrong.  There was a time when he may have been right.  If my first had been a girl we may not have had more, but I really doubt it. 

Thanks Serena for the offer, but I don't think it would help.  He would probably just get mad that I was even talking about it.  So, for now I'll just keep it between me and you guys.  At least I finally have a way to get it out cause before no one would listen to me and I had to just pretend it didn't bother me at all to not have a girl when I'd get all the spiffy comments about why I don't have one.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. My DH is pretty much the same way. He just doesn't understand. I think he understands that I am disappointed but he doesn't REALLY get it, and he has told me that I "better bloody well get over it". I try to hard to not think about it and get past it, but it isn't working. To be honest, I think it affects our relationship. He gets really annoyed with me even if I don't say anything about it but he can feel a vibe - like the other day, we went shopping and we had to pick out a cute girl outfit for his cousin who just had a baby girl. I couldn't even do it - I told him to just pick something. I saw it in the cart and my eyes filled up with tears and I couldn't even stop them. I was searching around for a Kleenex and trying to rush down the aisle at the same time so DH couldn't see me, but I know he did and I know he was annoyed. What I'm trying to say is that you're not alone, and I think that GD is not something that is easily understood unless one actually HAS it, you know? Especially DHs who get their sons and so they can't even FATHOM what it feels like.... Hugs to you. I hope both our DHs can find it in their hearts to support us, but until then, at least we can come here.... P.S. As an aside, my DH also says that it's no big deal and we'll just try again for a DD - because he wants 3 kids anyway, even though he knows I only ever thought I would have 2.... so I think in a way, he is almost using my GD as a way to get his 3rd DC, and that's why he's not being very supportive... I have tried to explain to him that as much as I know I would love another boy, I would be even more devastated about not having a DD than I am now. I just don't think men get it unless they've gone through it...

I dont think a man can truly understand GD unless for example he is the last male with his name to carry on and has 5 girls. Men love their little guys and I think until they are put into the same situation they will never know. I have three little boys, Im pregnant with #4 and my DH was there when I ran out of my ultrasound crying, he was there when I cried myself to sleep, and he still says "another boy would be nice" - it seriously makes my blood boil. Im trying to work out how to get a scan done early so I know the gender of #4 so I dont have to hear his well meaning but stupid comments. Men just suck sometimes I think, the positive side is you have little guys to teach to be sensitive to a girls feelings. My 3 guys will be dream husbands lol , its being drilled into them everyday

Saxophonic:

 All I got in return was how I don't love our boys and if I ever had a girl I would just kick them to the curb. 

Oh, gawd. My dad said the same thing...puhlease...(why is there no eye-rolling smiley?) it's SO not true.

Saxophonic- have you asked your dh how he would feel if he didn't have a son?  That was the main inroad that got my dh starting to get it.  He had this amazing summer of baseball with ds#1 and he actually came to me and said..."you know what, I get it"

my dh was down right MEAN to me when I found out ds#5 was a boy. He was furious at how I behaved and said he dreaded finding out gender and "going through my Shit again"  Serious.... I hated him for it too. He doesn't get GD at all, he said we should hope for healthy and be done with it. He also would tell me that I should be greatful to have kids when so many can't have any at all. I actually AGREE with him but that didnt change the fact that I was sad I wasn't having a daughter. He felt I should just love my boys and be happy. I did love my boys, still do. I told him it had NOTHING to do with the boys I have. It was the daughter I also wanted with them that I felt was slipping away every pg I had. He never got it ever.... and felt I was ungrateful and I ended up keeping alot of my feelings with regards to GD (specially with #5) to myself. I swear he is LUCKY we are still together after those dark times, because the little support he gave me back then, and the lack of help with 4 kids 4 and under and a teenager... and me working full time to boot... Well lets just say I got a town house and was leaving with my boys (#5 was just a baby) I had had enough of being treated like my thoughts didn't count and I was a slave....

Needless to say we worked it out, I wanted to adopt. He was coming around to it, and finally agreed to get a Vasectomy and I got pg. THIS time I warned him DO NOT make me feel bad if I cry or am disappointed etc.... I want a daughter. PERIOD. I done trying to explain it to anyone.

I did have a daughter that time and guess what.... the little jerk gets it now he appologized to me, specially recently because she is 100% a Dad's girl. (she is nearly 2yrs old) she was sitting with him snuggled on the couch and he turns to me and says..... I get it. We were missing something and I am sorry.

MEN don't try and understand them... we all fail when we try to