Will I regret not trying for #3?

Hi everyone. I'm new here.  I just gave birth to my second son 3 months ago and he's amazing! I have two wonderful little boys.  We didn't find out the gender with either and I honestly did not think I would care if it ended up being two boys. I also thought for SURE (we even chose a 3br house because I was SO sure) that we'd be done with 2.  So here I am, in love with my 2 boys and completely depressed over the thought of not having a daughter.  I just found out that two of my family members are having girls in February and it brought me to tears.  These feelings are completely out of the blue....I really never had a NEED for a daughter until after my second son was born 3 months ago. 

Now, I don't know what to do.  I feel like I will really regret not giving it ONE MORE SHOT at a girl.  I don't think I could do a total "sway" attempt though...its just not my personality to try to control that many variables.  The things that I would probably do would be NO weightlifting (I was big into weights when I conceived my two sons)....upping dairy....keeping sodium down....hot baths....artificial sweeteners.....sudafed and a 2 day cut off.  Would that even really make a difference?

The thing that concerns me....is that if I am THIS upset after two boys....will I be even more upset after three?  In my mind now, I feel like I could be content with three boys knowing I gave it one last shot at a girl....but I'm just not sure how I'd really feel.

Does anyone have any advice for me?  Is it worth trying for #3 if I'm not really going to do a full fledged sway?  Ugh, I feel so much anxiety trying to make this decision.  My husband and I both agree that if we're going to try....we'd like to try SOON as I'm 32 and he's 35. 

Well, first I would have to say - DON'T try if you know you would be crushed hearing boy for a third time.  (Not that it sounds like you would - I'm just saying!) 

But - I feel like if you're feeling like you should try again - try again.  I think you'd regret NOT having that 3rd child more than giving it your best shot and having a 3rd boy to love.  Does that make sense?  I hope so!

At any rate - good luck with your decision!

 I'd say you have to make sure you are going to be okay with having another boy...if you know forsure 100% you dont want a boy you shouldn't try again...but if you think you will be alright then go for it...I personally don't know if I will be happy until I have a girl...but my husband is giving it a 6th try and then that's it...maybe you could buy some ph strips and check your ph and if it's higher than swaying and trying a third time might sound like a better idea...I really think ph has a lot to do w/ it...the more I read the more I believe that.  It sounds like you have a lot of love for those 2 little boys and you would be fine w/ a 3rd...chances are if you have 2 or 3 boys...the feeling of wanting a daughter will never go away though...not to be depressing...just saying...:)  Good luck on whatever you choose!

calebzmom:

I think you'd regret NOT having that 3rd child more than giving it your best shot and having a 3rd boy to love. 

I agree.  You'll always wonder "what if".  If it is financially viable and you feel you'd be OK with DS3 (it sounds like you would be) then go for it!

I only ever wanted two children but after DD2 was born I desperately wanted to try again.  My DD3 is now 6 months old and as my signature says.. she takes my breath away.  I can't imagine her not being in our lives, she is so amazing.  I wanted her to be a boy, but not a day goes by when I'm not thrilled that a) we tried again and b) she's a "she".  I feel like by trying for No3, I got the best deal.. if it had been a boy I would have been thrilled, but as it turns out, I'm pretty damn happy anyway. 

Good Luck!

It is perfectly possible that you get your girl but don't go for a 3rd kid if you are not prepared to hear boy. Keep your heart open to both possibilities and hope for the best. GL!

 

Hi and a huge welcome to IG. I totally identify with your post. I jumped in for no 3 with out any real knowledge or understanding of GD. It was a word i had never heard or read about.

In my innocence (and pre ig days) I felt certain that my 3rd would indeed be a girl. After 2 boys I didnt give it a thought that I could have a third boy and was totally unpreprared for the mixture of feelings when I had the news at 19 weeks.

Im so glad its not going to be like that for you. Weither you do go for it or not, at least you will be armed with a lot of the things you need to make a good desicion. and importantly a place to talk it through with others who really do understand.

 

luv2lilguys:

I really never had a NEED for a daughter until after my second son was born 3 months ago. 

I never had a need for a daughter either but that 3rd pregnancy made me feel useless and as if I had failed everyone around me.

 I never realised the impact producing 3 boys would have and I genuinley think I would have coped so much better if other people had not chimed in with their thoughts on my family makeup. he's turned out to be my darling whom I totally adore. A real asset and a blessing,would I have chosen a 3rd boy............I doubt it, would i change him............not a chance.

you have to be as sure that there is a place for a son as well as a daughter before you decide. I wish you all the best. 

 

 If you feel that a DS3 would be welcome - then go for it! 

For me I'm uncertain. Right now I don't feel prepared for a DS3 and an attemt for another baby would only be for the chance of getting a girl. Therefore we've decided to put the baby plans on hold for a year. Then we'll see how we feel... or how I feel that is, my DH just want to have another baby. 

I couldn't have another baby just for the gender I wish for. I need to feel that longing for a child I did with my first two.  

As for the swaying I'm not relying on it at all. I sure wish I'm wrong and it actually alters the chances in some way. Right now I just don't believe in it. 

brazilian_mommy:

It is perfectly possible that you get your girl but don't go for a 3rd kid if you are not prepared to hear boy. Keep your heart open to both possibilities and hope for the best. GL!

I agree... I am going through it right now. I always wanted 3 kids but DH and I decded we will stick with two. I tried everything I could to sway for a boy, I don't even know the sex of baby yet but my gutt tells me its a girl again and on the nub shots I got mixed guesses. I am going through bad GD right now and thinking why did I even try for second child. I am NOT prepared to not hear boy and its killing me.

If having a third is an option, I say DO IT.

i told my dh  WHATS THE LIKELYHOOD WE WILL HAVE 3 BOYS    well i guess about 100%. i am expecting our 3rd boy. i would just make sure that you will be okay with hearing boy again. i did not do a total sway just 1 or 2 things.

i could've written your post--in fact i think i did a few months ago--word for word!! since the day ds2 was born i haven't stopped thinking about trying for a third and he is now 1 and the longing has not gone away, but gotten more intense. i know it is all mixed up with my desire for a dd. but i do know i would love another ds because he would be my child. BUT i wonder if i my ds2 had been a girl would i even be thinking about a third right now? i think i would be fantasizing about it but most likely not act on it. this is the saddest realization for me. it is the HARDEST decision i've ever had to make and dh and i still don't have any answers. i think it takes some soul searching and some deep thinking. the rational side of me has come up with so many reasons not to have a third, but my heart is aching for another child. i wish i knew which to follow. before ds2 was born i was so scared of how i was going to handle two kids. it is NUTS some days, but, you know, i am handling it just fine. i feel like once you have a second you can have a bunch more (not that i would! just one more!) because it is kind of non-stop anyhow. i wish you lots of luck with this decision--only you will know if it is the right decision for your family. i worry about regretting not having a third as well so please know you are not alone in your concerns! oh and in terms of swaying--i really don't think it does that much to increase your chances. i lost a dd in between my sons and she was conceived in the exact same way as ds1, while with ds2 we did some light swaying for a dd. i wish it did work, but i think if it did this forum wouldn't exist. i thought your swaying plan sounded good though and probably wouldn't hurt to try!

I can identify with you.

I have 2 boys. My second was supposed to be our last. I cried for 3 days when I found out he was a boy. Well, he is an absolute joy, just an angel and I wouldn't trade him for anything. However I still longed for a girl. I really wanted to try again. #2 made me long for another baby, hopefully a girl but a boy as sweet as him would be a blessing.

We did sway, not a great one but we did manage to get our girl.

 I don't think you will regret having #3, boy or girl, but you may regret NOT trying.

Hi there,

I had the same question and i came to the conclusion that the whole "what if" would be harder to live with than getting ds number 3. I didn't sway at all...it was 4 years ago and i didn't even know it existed! I got ds3 whom i love completely unconditionally, he's the sweetest little cherub, and i can't believe how upset i was at my 20 week scan when they said boy.

I thought my baby days were done, i had no intention of having another try for a dd. But then i found out i was pg VERY unexpectedly might i add!!! I was NOT happy about it but kept telling myself that maybe it has happened for a reason.....i found it very difficult to even look at baby girls in their prams it hurt so bad....and so it turns out it was meant to be and i'm 33+ weeks with my baby girl. I still wont truly believe it til she is in my arms even tho i had an amnio at 16 weeks so its definate!!

 So i say go for it...else you'll always wonder.

Good luck!!

I feel the same way. I always only wanted 2 children, but now that I have had DS2 and I didn't get a DD, I am wondering about trying for a third.... but what I can't figure out is if it's because I want to try again for a DD, or if it's because a part of me feels like I don't want to be "done" having children. Just to let you know, though, even if you sway, please don't assume that it will work! We swayed very hard and ended up with DS2. I love him to pieces and i wouldn't trade him for the world, but as i've posted before, i almost feel like my GD is worse because we tried so hard and it didn't work, you know? I think i really thought that of course it would work and i stupidly really got my hopes up. Even though i felt like it was a boy, in my head i told myself that it couldn't possibly be, because we had what i thought was such a good sway.... SO, I guess what I'm saying is that if you're sure you'd be okay with another son and you really want another child, then go for it - and if you get a DD, then that's an added bonus! BUT, just don't get your hopes up to high with the swaying thing (not to be a downer, I'm just saying.....!) Good luck - I know it's such a hard decision and i don't know what to do either. DH really wants another one either way, but I'm just not sure yet....