Thoughts on twins
These forums are for us to support and offer
advice both for those going through the process and those who have been
there. I came into IVF thinking I would only do a SET because I was
terrified of having twins. When I had a sketchy cycle with just a few
embies, DH and I seriously discussed putting back one or two. We
looked at our finances, family situation, age of our boys etc. And
decided that if twins happened, we would be okay. And we are okay but
it is FREAKING HARD!!!!
I see a lot of gals on here with little
kids, working etc. And wonder if they really have any idea what twins
are like. It’s easy to have a fantasy view of two matching babies in
the stroller but the reality is very different. I’m not singling
anyone out here. In fact I haven’t been able to keep up with current
cyclers so don’t take any of this personally. This is just a general
FYI kind of post. I worry that RE’s are used to dealing with couples
without children. Most of the gals on here have 2+ kids already and
are considering adding twins to the mix.
Twins are an amazing
amount of work. They will test your sanity, marriage, parenting
philosophy etc. They will turn your life upside down. Yes, they are a
blessing and when they are older, it will be a lot more fun, BUT the
pregnancy and infancy will kick your ass. Please be prepared if you
are going this route.
Questions to ask yourself:
Do you
work outside the home? What is your medical leave policy? Most likely
you will have to stop working 6-10 weeks before your due date. Who
will be your childcare provider when you go back to work? Can they
handle 2 infants and the kids you have now? What is it going to cost?
How
does your DH handle the kids you have now? Can he take on all of their
care if you end up on bedrest or in the hospital? What about after the
babies are born?
How does your DH do with newborns? Will he
be able to help at night? He’s going to have to handle at least one A
LOT! Is he the kind of guy who travels a lot, disappears in hobbies,
gets buried in work etc when new babies come? If so, you are in
trouble.
How is the state of your marriage? Are you patient
with each other? Have a good sense of humor? Is DH on board with this
whole thing? You don’t want a spouse who can look at you later when
the *%^& is hitting the fan and say I never wanted any of this.
How
old are the kids you have now? Do they require a lot of care? Are
they at difficult stages? My boys at ages 6 & 9 have learned to
fend for themselves a lot this summer. They are microwaving Hot
Pockets, bathing and putting themselves to bed. I shudder to think of
the tooth brushing that is not taking place, veggies not eaten etc.
What’s
your financial situation? Are you going to be strapped after paying
for IVF? Medical expenses are very high for twin pregnancies. Every
U/S is billed twice since they are scanning 2 babies. Hospital bedrest
is outrageously expensive. 5 days for us cost $14,000. Overall with a
vaginal delivery and babies coming home with me after only 2 days, we
still had $36,000 in hospital bills before insurance. Now to see the
pediatrician is $40 (2 $20 co-pays) at every visit.
Do you
have family that can help? Cause you are going to need help! Will you
have to hire babysitters? You can’t leave twins with the neighborhood
teenager. You’re going to need a professional nanny or two. $13-$15
an hour. A post partum doula is a life saver but they are $20-$25 an
hour.
Do you have a car that is big enough? A double stroller, 2 cribs, 2 sets of clothes etc.
With
twin infants there is no down time. For us, they rarely sleep at the
same time. Just as you get one baby down and think please God let me
get a nap, the other wakes up. Think 1 colicky baby is hard? Try
having 2. You each have one so there is no one to hand off too when
you think you’re losing your mind. My DH has made HUGE strides in
fatherhood with these babies but there are nights when it just gets to
be too much. He has to put a baby down and let them cry a bit. It
breaks my heart but I’ve got the other one in my arms so I can’t do
anything about it.
There is a great twins forum at
www.twinstuff.com I highly suggest checking out the posts to get a
feel for what twins are really like.
If you can look at all
this and think yeah we can handle that, then by all means GO FOR IT!
It’s quite a ride. Otherwise, please take this as food for thought.
(((HUGS))) to you all. This is not an easy decision to make.