We are getting close
Well, we have been saving money and just enjoying our life. I think we both really needed this time "off". I sort of lost myself going through this whole process. My relationship with DH has never been stronger and I have had some wonderful times with my DD. She is growing up so quickly, I dont want to miss anything.
We are planning on me starting the pill around the first week of July. So ER and ET will be in August. I am struggling with how many probes to do now. We had so many abnormals last time and I want to avoid that. But at the same time, I dont want to not do a higher probe and have something be wrong. I also am going to talk to my RE about the day of PGD. We did PGD on day 3 last cycle, I want to do it on day 5 this time. So many decisions!!! I feel like I know alot more this time around- maybe too much! I feel like I can make better decisions than my RE.
Hopefully I can figure all of this out before we start. I dont want to have any decisons to make during my cylcle. This will be our last time doing this. So I will be doind WHATEVER it takes!!!
I think Im going crazy... No I take that back, I am crazy. I changed my mind again. I had our cycle review and I talked to my RE about all my concerns about my last cycle. We talked for a long time. He said my egg quality is really poor. Which sucks, Im only 27 yrs old. We went over some other patients of his for comparrison and It gave me some hope that it might work next time. I feel like this is carma sometimes. Here we are wanting to pick the gender of our baby one day and then the next day I have bad eggs. I know this just happens sometimes, but I really thought this would work, I knew I would be a OHW. Anyway, it looks like we will be starting meds in April, ER in May. Here we go again!!!!!!
I think I've changed my mind!
Well, I dont think I want to do this anymore! I still want my DS, but I dont think this is worth it to me anymore. I only have 1 daughter, if I had another one I would be ok. Im not giving up on this all together, I just think I will try low tech one more time before we do a second cycle! I feel like a crazy person, Im like a roller coaster. I think I will try a lower tech, like Ericcson, or something like that. I spoke with a Dr and I would go on clomid to do ericcson. Which would up my chance of twins, which ups my chance of having a DS! I just dont think I can handle having another failed IVF/PGD cycle, at least not right now. I will update as soon as I really know. But as of now, things are on hold! I made the right decision!
A little perspective
Well, I have gotten a well needed dose of life perspective. I have been obsessing about my IVF/PGD journey! It is all that I think about. I feel like it is taking away from my DH and DD.
I got a phone call the other day that my Dad is in the hospital. My dad is 59 and very healthy. We are also very close. Last week the doctor said he had UTI and gave in antibiotics. Come to find out he has Kidney failure. They got him checked in the hospital and started testing. His kidneys are failing, they are working at 30%, his bladder is filled with blood and he cant urinate, and his prostate is very large. They are testing and testing with no real answers yet.
Im scared, I need him around. My mom needs him around. Im sure this is something fixable, but what if its not? This has really snapped me back into reality. Of course, I will not stop thinking about my DS that I want so badly. But, I realize that there are other things in my life that need to come first. The family I already have need to be put before the family that I long for. I need to make sure my dad will be around when I DO get my DS,
Thanks for letting me get that out. Please pray for my Dad, he really needs it right now!
Just when I thought I was feeling better
Ok, so I received my new patient packet from HRC today! SO excited. I was reading and filling out papers and feeling pretty damn good. Its about time! I have a busy weekend planned. We have friends coming in town, dinner plans, and a baby shower.
Well, I had to buy a gift for the baby shower. Not in a million years would I ever have thought that it would have been so hard. I love my friend and her family, so why am I so jealous? I dont want to buy her a gift!!!!!! I feel like it should be for me. I feel like I want this more. I know that sounds awful, this is not the kind of person I am. I swear I guess I just didnt realize that we could go through a whole cycle and not end up with a baby. That is really starting to hit home. I want to get over this, but the only way to is to be pregnant.
On top of this(which may not sound that bad, but it is to me) My whole face and neck are broken out and I'm FAT! Great. I hope I have a better blog tomorrow, really I do
Ok, Im going to give this blogging thing a try
Ok, well I figure that this cant hurt. Im on the computer non stop anyway. It might be a great way to get things of my chest.
I will give a brief update to how I am where I am today.
My DH and I have been married almost 10yrs, We got married very young and have been very happy (against all odds). We have a beautiful 9yr old daughter. She is amazing! Of course Im partial, but she is smart, talented and beautiful. Not to mention well behaved.
DH and I always wanted a DS. When DD was about 4yr old, we got pregnant twice that year. We had to m/c. So we stopped trying. We have waited so ling now that we wanted to make sure that we got our DS. After many disscussions about how we morally felt and if we could financaily do high tech, we decided yes. We are both on board. Yay
In Dec. 07, we found an RE and started our journey. We found a RE close to home and it was very convenient. The thought didnt cross our minds that this might not work, or that we would have to do it again. I started lupron, then stims and everything looked great! ER came and they got 20 eggs! WOOOHOOOO! 18 fertilized! 9 were abnormal- 6 were females............3 normal males!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We went in for tranfser and the RE thought we should transfer all 3. So we did. We were a little afraid of triplets, but we could handle it, and would love twins! The dreaded 2WW. It was terrible. We got a BFN. What???? How was this even possible???? It never crossed our minds. What a terrible reality check. My Re then procceded to say some things that really made me feel like he didnt agree with GS. So we have moved on to a new center. I am really wishing that I would have used them to begin with. We will be going to HRC. They are pretty close and have a great track record.
We will take a month and let my body get back on track. We will have a meeting on 2/14/08 to talk about the plan with the RE. I am looking forward to that day.
I will be back, this did make me feel a bit better. My DH will be happy when he gets home too! Maybe I can actually think of something else to say to him- that doesnt involve IVF or GS. UGHHHHHHHHH I wish I could just feel better!