February 2008 - Posts
I think I've changed my mind!
Well, I dont think I want to do this anymore! I still want my DS, but I dont think this is worth it to me anymore. I only have 1 daughter, if I had another one I would be ok. Im not giving up on this all together, I just think I will try low tech one more time before we do a second cycle! I feel like a crazy person, Im like a roller coaster. I think I will try a lower tech, like Ericcson, or something like that. I spoke with a Dr and I would go on clomid to do ericcson. Which would up my chance of twins, which ups my chance of having a DS! I just dont think I can handle having another failed IVF/PGD cycle, at least not right now. I will update as soon as I really know. But as of now, things are on hold! I made the right decision!
A little perspective
Well, I have gotten a well needed dose of life perspective. I have been obsessing about my IVF/PGD journey! It is all that I think about. I feel like it is taking away from my DH and DD.
I got a phone call the other day that my Dad is in the hospital. My dad is 59 and very healthy. We are also very close. Last week the doctor said he had UTI and gave in antibiotics. Come to find out he has Kidney failure. They got him checked in the hospital and started testing. His kidneys are failing, they are working at 30%, his bladder is filled with blood and he cant urinate, and his prostate is very large. They are testing and testing with no real answers yet.
Im scared, I need him around. My mom needs him around. Im sure this is something fixable, but what if its not? This has really snapped me back into reality. Of course, I will not stop thinking about my DS that I want so badly. But, I realize that there are other things in my life that need to come first. The family I already have need to be put before the family that I long for. I need to make sure my dad will be around when I DO get my DS,
Thanks for letting me get that out. Please pray for my Dad, he really needs it right now!
Just when I thought I was feeling better
Ok, so I received my new patient packet from HRC today! SO excited. I was reading and filling out papers and feeling pretty damn good. Its about time! I have a busy weekend planned. We have friends coming in town, dinner plans, and a baby shower.
Well, I had to buy a gift for the baby shower. Not in a million years would I ever have thought that it would have been so hard. I love my friend and her family, so why am I so jealous? I dont want to buy her a gift!!!!!! I feel like it should be for me. I feel like I want this more. I know that sounds awful, this is not the kind of person I am. I swear I guess I just didnt realize that we could go through a whole cycle and not end up with a baby. That is really starting to hit home. I want to get over this, but the only way to is to be pregnant.
On top of this(which may not sound that bad, but it is to me) My whole face and neck are broken out and I'm FAT! Great. I hope I have a better blog tomorrow, really I do