Going through IVF/PGD in hopes of my DD

It has been a year since my little princess was defrosted & shot up into my uterus (sounds like poetry, right?). That day we sat nervously waiting to see how the embryos looked after being defrosted. I decided that morning to tell them I wanted to put in 3 instead of the 2 we had talked about. A teeny tiny part of me was scared I would have triplets but an even bigger part of me was terrified at the real possiblity of having twins. I still can't believe my DH agreed to 3. I could only get him to agree to an SET with our fresh cycle.

I'm so happy that my little girl was able to snuggle in and grow. I wonder which one of those embryos she was. Was she the 3rd one that almost didn't make it? I also wonder why her 2 little sisters didn't make it. Although, honestly, I can barely handle having ONE infant as this little girl is something else!! She barely sleeps & must have 100% of your attention when you are awake. There is no putting her on the back burner she is LOUD and wants her mommy ALL the time!

My little girl is now a week from being 4 mo. She is incredibly strong. When I had the FET one of the embryos was still stuck in the thing that they put in you. They had to reinsert it and put that last embryo in my uterus again. Funny enough, when she was born DD grabbed onto the side of the incubator/table while the nurses tried to move her over to the nearby scale. She wouldn't let go. The nurses told us to come take a picture of this strong girl! I wonder if that "sticky" embryo was my strong little one. lol!

DD is so beautiful. I know many of the girls on here have talked about not ever thinking about PGD once they get their little girls but I think about it almost daily. I think of all of the obstacles I went through to get her. How badly I wanted her and how blessed I am to finally have her.

One year ago I was scared, nervous, & hopeful.....today I'm happy & blessed that we have our little princess at home with us!

I hope everyone finds their desired gender at the end of their journey & I hope that journey is a short one!

Wow. What can change in a year. Today is Easter Sunday and as we celebrate Christ's resurrection I can't help but think of what I was going through last Easter.

I remember that my Beta was supposed to be on Good Friday but because the Dr's office was closed that day I got to get it earlier. I remember thinking it is going to be a "Great" Friday! I was very wrong and instead I was in mourning. I was sad that my Beta was indeed neg. There was nothing growing inside of me. I felt so empty.

Easter Sunday I had invisioned eating with our families "glowing" with the secret of our new pregnancy and instead I was holding back tears the whole day. I got my period so I had even more reason to be reminded that I wasn't pregnant. It was so heavy that it actually bled through my outfit and I had to run home and change before Easter dinner. It was just too much for me and I cried the whole drive to my house to get another change of clothes.

I thought of the baby girl that I thought I would have at Christmas time. I thought of the money that was gone and nothing to show for it. I was in a very dark place. I tried to focus on the holiday and Jesus' suffering. He suffered so much more than me so why was I being such a baby?

This Easter I have a daughter to share the holiday with. I have a tiny pink Easter dress to put her in and take her to church. My boys have a sister and my in-laws their first granddaughter, It is amazing to know that she is here now and what I was feeling just last Easter.

I'm still in awe that she is here. I stare and her and think of how blessed we are. I believe our family is complete now and what a feeling that is. I don't have to deal with that longing in my heart for the little girl I was missing. I have her....in my arms to love and to hold. I can't thank God enough.

Last year I really focussed on Jesus' sufferings, his hardships, and it helped me so much. This year I'm focusing on the joy of his resurrection, the excitement, the thrill of life given by God.

Happy Easter!

I've been trying to post for days but everytime I tried to upload a pic I would get the  "crying baby" . I still can't get it to upload in the post but I did get the pic to upload as my avatar! 

My little girl was born Sat (3/27) at 10:39. She was 6 lbs & 4oz & 19 in. We are truly blessed!!

A note about how she came to us.....I did my IVF/PGD (No MS) SET in CA in March 09 and got a BFP. That summer I got my little "girl" embryos shipped to TX and did an FET and transferred 3 girls and one stuck! I was worried more with this pregnancy more than either of boys. I had dreams she had Downs Syndrome and worried that something crazy would go wrong b/c I had done IVF ( I know it sounds crazy) but she was born this weekend and is perfectly healthy and ALL girl!I have been through a lot to get her. I know others have been through more cycles and still don't have their little one and I pray that they will get their "reward" soon. HT is a difficult emotional journey but when you see that little girl or boy you realize it was all worth it!Thanks for all of your prayers and support. I could have never done it without IG!

At my last two appointments I was 1cm and only 25% effaced. It was very disappointing last week to hear "nothing has changed". I have been very uncomfortable and have had pains from time to time. This has been the most uncomfortable pregnancy I've had. It is hard to feel pain throughout the week and not progress.

Finally today at my appointment I have made some progress!!!! I'm now a 3 1/2 and about 50-75% effaced. She said that she thought that I should have a baby this weekend. Boy, do I hope she is right! I had lots of back pain last night w/ crampiness in my lower abdomen but then when I sat up or walked around it would go away. Obviously this is not good for sleeping b/c it is hard to sleep standing up or walking around...lol! I

Today I feel like someone is sitting on my belly right underneath my boobs. Awful! I'm so miserable!!! I really hope that my little one will come soon. I'm so ready for her! With both of the boys I would have already been at home with them from the hospital so it is hard to be pregnant longer than I'm used to. I feel like a ticking time bomb!

Tick....tick....tick.....

So, b/c my dr has changed my due date my days and weeks are a little off. I don't really see the point in changing the due date 3 days b/c what is the point? I refuse to add the additional 3 days! LOL

My appt was Thurs and my dr. checked me and I was only dialated to a 1 and she said my cervix was thick. I have NEVER been checked (with the boys) and was a 1. I have always been way further than that! Also, I've NEVER been told my cervix was thick. That was the reason I went into preterm labor with my first is b/c my cervix was acting up! With both boys anytime I was checked I was 50% effaced and told the baby was low. Again, something new for me to hear...this time around she said the baby is still high!

Both boys came at 37 wks. I am 36 wks now no matter which due date you use and I'm gonna be a freak if this baby decides to hang out in my uterus for the full 40 or more weeks. She needs to get out of there next week/weekend....I'll even give her until the following Mon or Tues but I'll tell you this after that the "Welcome Sign" is gone. She needs to go!

It isn't that I'm just tired of carrying around the extra weight, tired of the same old maternity get up (b/c right after birth I know it would be too much better), or that I can't sleep anymore. It is also that I want to see what this little pumpkin looks like! I want to see those frilly little dresses on her and her tiny & giant hairbows plastered to her head!!! I just can't wait. I'm trying to pretend the sleepless nights and smelly poops aren't coming.

So, hopefully It will be another week to a week & 1/2 !! I'll let you know.

my dad passed away. I was in the midst of my fresh ivf/pgd cycle and was an emotional basketcase. My dad lived 12 hrs away so I had to travel there was was there for 1 1/2 wks before he passed away. I am greatful for that.

I remember thinking if I should continue my cycle or if I should put it on hold. I decided that I really needed the "good" stuff and I needed that to help me be hopeful! I continued on with the shots and stuff and then the next month I completed my cycle. I got a BFN and it was just more heartache. I felt so low. How could I have the death of my dad and the death of my embryo in just a matter of 2 months. However, there was light at the end of the tunnel and when I did my FET this past summer I got a BFP.

So now, a year later, I have a little girl growing inside of me which could be here in just a matter of weeks. I wish my dad would have gotten to know that I was going to have a little girl. I would have liked to hear his reaction and what nickname she would have gotten (everyone gets a nickname in my family!!)

Just a quick update....

I had a baby shower yesterday and was so excited to get a bunch of pink goodies! Unfortunately, I'm (again) fighting a cold! I think the cold is winning this time for sure. Even though I felt like total crap I sucked it up and celebrated the coming of my new littlle girl! I had a dr's appt this past Tues. It had been 2 1/2 wks I had gained 3 lbs so I'm now at a total 19 lbs. 

When I got home from the shower I started having a few pains in my "crotch" area. It didn't last long but when I went to the bathroom shortly after I noticed that I lost some of my mucus plug. With DS1 I lost my mucus plug very early on and I lost the whole thing (I'm guessing b/c it was HUGE). I then had early dialation & had to go on bedrest. With DS2 I don't remember anything about my mucus plug.

I know that the whole mucus plug thing doesn't mean a thing. I am getting nervous though just because I'm about 3 1/2 wks away from the golden 37 mark. So much to do so little time!!! I just have been feeling too sick to do anything too!

So I went to the dr. a couple of days after my scheduled appt as I felt I was "dying" from a cold! Yuck Yuck!

The appts are so fast! I actually lost one lb. but b/c I had gained extra last time I'm still good. Total weight gain= 16 lbs so far.

I have basically been eating like a pig ever since my appt. It didn't help that we celebrated my b'day, a friend's, my father-in-law's, and my mom's all in a matter of a few days! It was a total cake fest!

My cold continues to linger and I am so stinking tired I can barely make it through the day. I rely on naps and when I don't get one I simply crash at the end of the day! I am so ready to my little princess but so unprepared. A couple of friends have talked about doing a shower for me this month so I'm excited about that. I just want to see pink...pink...and more pink!!!

Yippi! I don't have gestastional diabetes! I passed my test and was so happy! I wasn't so happy that I had gained twice the amt of weight I should have since my last visit!

This appt was 3 wks after my last appt (the week of Christmas) so my weight gain can be contributed to crazy Christmas & New Years feasting!! Instead of gaining 3lbs (a lb per week) I gained 6! That brings the grand total at 27wks 6dys to 17 lbs. In my pregnancy week by week book it says I should be between 17 - 24 so I'm still in the clear!! I just can't let this be an every week thing.

I am now in my 3rd trimester and have to see my dr. every other week. I can't believe it has been this long! The nursery is still an office. I have bought furniture but it is currently in the dining room. Our goal is to have the office cleaned out by this weekend and the furniture off to the consignment shop. We will see! I'm so ready to paint the room and start to see it all come together.

Oh! One other bit of exciting news (for me!) is that my dr checked to see if I had dialated b/c with DS1 I went on bedrest at 28 wks, and so far everything is nice and closed. This is a great thing b/c with DS1 at 28wks I was dialated at 1.5cm and she could actually touch his head and tell me he had hair! I was terrified. With DS2 no bedrest for me but they said it is a 50/50 chance every pregnancy that my cervix will just open up!! I just can't imagine being on bedrest with a 4 yr and a 2 yr and a nursery that hasn't even been started!!! Thank you God for no bedrest!!

How fun it was this Christmas thinking over and over again that my little princess will be here next Christmas! I even asked for some "pink goodies" and my mom came through with some adorable little girly things.

I had a Dr's appt the Tues before Christmas and everything went well. As of then (I'm sure my Christmas crazy eating will have affected this) I had a total weight gain of 11 lbs. I was measuring about a week behind as far as "belly measurement" but I did that with DS1. My dr. said as long as it isn't more than 2 wks off I'm fine.

In a couple of weeks I'm scheduled to do my Gestational Diabetes test. How fun! Then after that appt. I'll  have to start going to the dr. every TWO weeks! I can't believe I'm already to that point.

I know I've said this a million times but both boys were born at the same gestation and I have no reason to believe this little one will be any different. With that said, I'm look at mid to late March. Actually, what I calculated gives me about 11 wks until she arrives! That excites me and terrifies me at the same time.

I feel very unprepared and I'm now at the time in my pregnancy that I went on bedrest with DS1 (26 wks). I pray that this will NOT happen this time. It didn't  happen with DS2 and I was told I have a 50/50 chance of it happening everytime I'm pregnant. I hope to get some things done to clean out our office (which will be the baby's room) this weekend. I'm already worn out just thinking about it!

Today was my 20 wk u/s. The u/s was done in office so it was very nice. With the 2 boys they wouldn't tell me gender until all other measurements were taken. I never even heard what the person was saying b/c all I could think of was ....tell me the freakin gender!!! The lady today was so nice and tried to find out the gender first. I told her that my Dr. had told me the gender but I want to see if she saw the same thing. My OBGYN knows about the PGD but the sono lady didn't...or at least I didn't mention it to her.

I was so thrilled to hear "it's a girl!" once again. She showed me the 3 lines and gave me a whole bunch of adorable sono pics. One of them she actually drew a hairbow on the profile pic. It is soooo stinkin cute!

The baby's hb was 145 and she weighs 13 oz and was 9 1/2 in long. I looked up a chart to see how she measures and the chart (which I know is approx) said 10 1/2 oz and 10 in long. So, it seems we got a little chunky monkey on our hands! They said overall she was in the 60something percentile.

So, all is good. I'm so happy and am hoping for an uneventful 4 wks until my next appt!

I'll be 20 wks on Wed (today's Mon) but since both of my boys were born at 37 wks I've considered myself halfway at 18 1/2 wks. 

I'm excited to have this milestone reached but I feel like I've accomplished so little on preparing for her arrival. We have to clean out her soon to be room and sell all the furniture in there, paint the room, buy bedding, buy furniture (I did buy a new crib!), buy clothes, and the list goes on and on. This is the busiest time of the year so although this pregnancy seems to be going so quickly b/c our schedules are so jammed packed we can't find time to get baby things done.

I guess once Christmas is over we might our rears in gear and get the baby stuff together. Hopefully I'll have a little Christmas cash to help with the buying of all the girly things too!

I know I've said this time and time again but I just feel so blessed. I have waited for my little princess for so many  years and now she will be here in a matter of months. I just keep holding my breath  that all will go well b/c it feels so unreal!

So on Friday at 17 wks and 2days we had an appt where the dr. was actually able to find all 3 lines and tell us "It's a Girl". Now she knows we did PGD but she knows that we really wanted confirmation. She wrote "I am a girl" on some of the u/s pictures. I loved that!!

We went and told our parents...they were thrilled. Oh course my mom is the only person we have told about the PGD so she knew but she couldn't "Know" in real life until Friday!

It was SOOOO exciting to tell everyone it is a girl! I honestly fell way weirder than I ever thought I would. Even though we have spent almost $30000 on this it still doesn't feel totally real. I told DH that and he said it feels real everytime he pays the bill! lol. We had the money for the fresh cycle all saved up. That was the bulk of it. However, the $5000 for the FET we didn't have saved up so we are having to pay it off. No interest right now...yippi!!

So it was nice getting to see the baby moving around, those 3 lines!!!, and her little heartbeat. The boys were there too and they enjoyed seeing it. My 4 yr old said "I have a sister?" He was very happy. For some reason he really wanted it to be a sister.

My next appt is for the BiG u/s, the anatomy scan. It is right before Thanksgiving. It will be nice to really focus on the health of the baby and not be waiting to hear gender. Wow...that sounds terrible out loud but you know what I mean....

I have been feeling the baby move since about 15 1/2 wks. At first it felt like she was "rolling" around. Then a week or so later I felt more of the jabs...the ones that feel more like kicks. I feel her at least once a day. Normally at night after I am being very still in the bed. This morning I felt her moving around right after I had some apple cider. I guess it was a lot of sugar in her little body!

it's a girl! I am just dying. At first I was scared but now I'm so anxious! I just want to tell and get out all the girl stuff and get the pink fest started!!!

So thrilled!! MS is better & so is energy! Had to wear maternity jeans the past wk & 1/2. Not doing mat. shirts yet. Seems my babies are always low.

So, next dr. visit is in a little over 3 wks. If the dr tells me she thinks it looks like a girl on the u/s even though she KNOWS it is then we are going to shout it from the roof top!!!

YIPPI!!!! 

My original Dr's appt was for next Thurs but I had been dealing with some unpleasant irritation in an oh so sensitive spot so I got her to see me this week.

She prescribed me some cream for my "situation" and then we took a look at the baby. She said it is easier for her to find the heartbeat on the u/s so she normally just uses that. I was excited! My old OBGYN didn't have an u/s machine in her office so I never got surprise u/s. She would have to call me into another Dr to have the u/s done there. So anyway, my boys were there and saw my little girl moving around on the screen. She would ball/curl herself up and then bounce off the side of the sac. It looked crazy!!! I am still so amazed that she is practically doing flips in there & I don't feel a thing!

I'm now 13wks and she said everything looked "perfect". She also told me that she had Group B Strep w/ both of her pregnancies. That helped calm me down some about that whole situation. She took a sample from me to find out if the bladder infection is cleared up. She said that a b.i. will cause preterm labor so it is important that it is gone!

Oh....I am just so thrilled & thankful that God has blessed me with her! I still can't picture myself creating a pink nursery or buying girl things (in front of others....not just secretly stuffing them in the bottom of a cart or under boy's clothing in fear that someone might see me. I did get busted once but luckily I have a niece that was born in Feb. so I blamed the purchase on her! Just a few more weeks and I will officially declare I'm tickled pink....we're having a girl!!!