Going through IVF/PGD in hopes of my DD

July 2009 - Posts

• I'm officially excited (AGAIN!!)

  So, I was driving myself crazy. I was convinced b/c of a faint(er) line that my BETA was going down. I hadn't taken a FRER in 48 hrs. (they are just so much more expensive!) and I decided to do it on the day in between my betas. I kept going back & forth....to pee or not to pee. Being an addict, I couldn't stop myself & 1st thing this morning I was off to pee on the stick. HOORAY!!! That line just popped right on there & it is just about as DARK as the control line!!!! I was able to really breathe after that! I left it in there for DH & he said Congrats!! I just posted it b/c someone was asking for POAS pics at 10dp so here is the link: http://www.in-gender.com/cs/forums/p/106458/1010897.aspx#1010897  The pic isn't that great. I can't get it to not be blurry! It finally looks like a REAL peestick! I'm just so relieved! So, my next milestones are as follows: Fri (tomorrow!!!) Beta #2 @ 5 wks & 4 days = u/s to measure sac & see fetal pole (please be there!!) @ 6 wks & 4 days= u/s to see her tiny heartbeat If I can make it to ALL of those milestones then we are going to tell people we are pregnant!!! I feel like it is so close but so far away! I'm doing good right now! I just need to trust that God will take care of my little Kate! Posted Jul 30 2009, 08:05 AM by gsbabies with 3 comment(s)

• 1st Beta

  I'm happy yet so nervous! It will feel like the worst evil joke ever would be if this doesn't end up with my DD in my arms. I have told DH since the moment we started this process that if it wasn't going to happen I didn't ever want to get a pos. preg. test. I said that with my 1st cycle....that at least it didn't drag itself out. I didn't want false hope. Sorry if I sound neg. I am very happy. I know that right now there is a little girl growing inside! I just have my hopes so high and I am scared that they could get knocked down. The RE called a little while ago & said "I have some good news for you!" & told me my BETA was 62.4. He said that they were looking for it to be at least 50. I asked if that was low & he said it just looks like there is one & that we will want that to double in 2 days. My next BETA will be Fri morning. When I got off the phone with him I started bawling. I don't even know why. I don't know if it was b/c I was happy or scared or what? I did the same thing while I was talking to DH telling him the news. This journey is just so overwhelming & I think keeping all of this bottled up when we aren't telling family or friends (except my mom) just becomes too much. But hey, now that I'm "officially" pregnant I can just blame it on that! I looked on www.betabase.info and it looked like I was in an okay range. I'm 9dp5dt. I started getting super super faint pos on my HPTs at 5dp and they were getting darker on day 6, 7, 7.5 but then yesterday it was about the same & today it seems like it could be lighter. My DH said I need to stop with the POASing & stop stressing out. I cannot change anything about what is going on right now. I told him I know that!!! BUT if it were that easy I would just stop stressing out but I can't!!! It also didn't help that last night when I went to the bathroom I had some pink tint to my tissue after wiping & wiped again and saw a little blood. I never saw anymore blood & it never got on my panties but I couldn't sleep I was freaking out so much!! Oh & I do want to say how thrilled I am that we DID decide to put back 3!! I had kinda expected to have twins but was hoping for only one. In my 2 cycles I have put back a total of 4 embryos (3 grade 1s (2 hatching & one almost) and 1 grade 2 (hatching) and so far I've only got one sticking. One is definately better than none but I just would have thought out of all of those I would have more than one that wanted to stick around. I can say this. One baby girl was our ideal! I pray that she will make it to March or April! I already love her so much! I just don't want to loose her! Oh My!! I really need to relax! I AM PREGNANT!!!!!! What am I whining for????? Horray.....I'm pregnant!!! Thank you, God! Posted Jul 29 2009, 02:18 PM by gsbabies with 1 comment(s)

• WHOO HOO!!

  I now have BFPs on ALL 3 brands that I have!! FRER was first (of course) to show me my pos lines!!! Now, I have gotten BFPs on $tree & the ones I ordered off the Internet!!!! I have a big pile of pos HPTs and I just keep going in my bathroom & looking at them!!! I'm still so happy!!! The line keeps getting darker & darker & my smile keeps getting bigger & bigger!! Posted Jul 27 2009, 08:59 AM by gsbabies with 5 comment(s)

• Due Date Calculator

  http://babymed.com/Tools/Pregnancy/Due_Date/Default.aspx Yes, I'm going a little crazy but it is so exciting!!! This website is a lot of fun b/c you can just put in your transfer date and see all the neat milestones & your due date. Mine would be April 7th according to this site. Both of my boys were born EXACTLY 37 weeks. If they were born a day before they would be considered preterm. Anyway, 37 weeks falls on St. Patty's Day. That sounds like fun!! Posted Jul 26 2009, 09:23 PM by gsbabies with no comments

• 5dp5dt-6dp5dt

  So at exactly 5dp5dt (@1pm yesterday) I gave in & went to CVS got a FRER & POASed. My DH was working this weekend(1st or 2nd time in the 5 yrs we've been married- he NEVER works on the weekend!!!) & I was dying for him to overanalyze it with me. There was the faintest of faint lines. You had to tilt it, move it around & get in good light to see almost a "shadow" of a line. When it was in the inital time frame....the 1st 1-3 min. it was a little darker but then faded away to more of a shadow. I have now started to describe it as the "delusional" line. I also decided to do a $tree one but I didn't see a thing! Several hours later (when my internet pkg full of HPTs came in) I also did one of those & there was nothing! So, I was meeting DH & his family for dinner. SInce we were meeting up at the resteraunt I proceeded to bring my HPT with me in the car. When arrived I texted DH to come out & help w/the kids (I didn't want his parents to see it) and made him analyze the HPT right there in the car. He said "Ummm...neg." and I was like "look closer!!!" and he moved around and I asked "do you see that?" and he said "yeah...kinda...does that count?". I beamed!! I was over the moon!!! I didn't think any other human being could see the Delusional line except for me!! I smiled all through dinner! So, this morning I was ready to use another FRER & prayed that it would be darker. At 7am. (after peeing all night long!!!) I POASed and it was darker. I ran & woke up DH and made him look & he saw it right away!! It did get a little bit lighter but it is STILL visible that there are in fact two wonderful lines. So, technically I was not yet 6dp5dt. That would be at 1pm. So I was thrilled!! Later today around 2pm(so 6dp5dt now) I couldn't help myself & tried an internet one. It had a very faint line which I am excited about b/c I got no line from it at all yesterday no matter how you held (trust me I tried to find any little hint of a line!) I can barely breathe & this morning in the bathroom I started to cry. Could this be it? Could I really have a daughter? It just seems so unreal. I know this is exactly what I want but it seems like it could all fade away in a blink of an eye. That is why I am trying so hard to just be thrilled that TODAY I have a little girl (maybe more) growing in me!!! A daughter!!! My Beta is on Wed & today is Sun so I'm glad I only have to go through 2 full days and then at 8am on Wed. I will get my Beta. I will also get a Beta on Friday. I still just can't believe it. I remember with my last cycle, going through peestick after peestick, searching for any type of line I could find and couldn't find a thing. Everyday was sadder. I dreamed of getting a faded pink line & getting to post it and today I have! I pray that everyone on this board will get their day to post their BFP! Because although I am beyond excited I am still very sad & upset for some of my cycle friends that didn't make it this far. I'm still praying for you guys!! Posted Jul 26 2009, 05:33 PM by gsbabies with 2 comment(s)

• links that I occupy my time with

  I know you must be wondering why I keep posting all these links & honestly it is b/c I want a record of them. I found some really cool websites on my last 2ww and now can't remember where/what they were. I thought keeping them in this blog would help me find them later when I wanted to look at them again. Plus, I thought someone else might enjoy these. http://babymed.com/faq/Content.aspx?14684 This one has this description for the chart that I found interesting: "Pregnancy Chances after a Negative Pregnancy Test in Relationship to Ovulation and the Days before or after the Expected Period" Also: www.betabasline.info (I can look on here forever....don't know why I have never even had a BETA #) and www.peeonastick.com (another one that I LOVE...I can't analyze these enough!) So, that is all the fun I'm having. I am getting off of my butt and leaving the house. If I'm at home I either clean, play with the boys, or am online looking up embryo implantation!!  I've been stuck here all week & we ALL need to get out! We rarely stay home 2 days in a row so Tues-Thurs was a little much!!   Posted Jul 24 2009, 09:32 AM by gsbabies with no comments

• another cool website

  So I hope some of this is happening inside of me. And YES all I do is sit around and google this stuff!! http://www.epigee.org/fetal1.html Posted Jul 23 2009, 04:15 PM by gsbabies with 1 comment(s)

• 2 days down

  Oh my dear! Last time around I didn't feel as anxious and have such a hard time with the waiting. I think it was b/c last time there was only 2 possiblities-- preg or not preg and I was positive that I was going to be pregnant. I mean, I'm 28, have been an egg donor that resulted in other people getting pregnant and having heathly babies through IVF, I have 2 beautiful babies of my own that were easy to conceive, and we had spent a small fortune. How could it not work?? This time, since we put in 3 there are so many more possiblities. Granted, some are super duper slim but still. I also know that it can fail which is really frightening. So, I have so many things to think about as I sit here bored out of my mind. 1. worst case scenario---BFN 2. just a tad bit better BFP to triplets 3. BFP-twins!! twice as nice (although a lot more work) 4. BFP with one baby girl!! (ideal)So, with so many possiblities my mind is wondering all day. So for my stats. I was told by SIRM Dallas that there is a 50% chance. However, in CA they said that you would use whoever froze the embyos and their stats were only 35%. So I feel like I have anywhere from a 35-50% chance of getting BFP. Now, twins is a 25% chance & triplets is a 2.5% chance according to SIRM. I love to look at stats all day and all night but the fact of the matter is it could be 99% and I could be that 1%. With my fresh cycle I was told I had a 63% chance. Anway, I thought I'd get some of the "craziness" out of my head. Off to google what is "hopefully" happening inside of me. PS. I bought some cheap HPTs from the ad that is always lurking at the bottom of IG. I got 10 for $20. They should be here in the next few days. I secretly wanted to pay for faster shipping but stuck with the free shipping of 3-5 days. They were mailed out yesterday so that should keep me from trying to do an HPT too early! They said it measures as low as 20ml. We will see. I'm wanting to do one on Sun but also really really scared to. URGHHHH!!! Posted Jul 22 2009, 02:28 PM by gsbabies with 1 comment(s)

• How does the implantation work?

  I found this on someone's blog. They said it was given to them by their doctor. I thought it was interesting. I can hardly believe I've only managed to wait 24 hrs. This is going to be soooooo hard!!! 1dpt....Blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day 2dpt.. Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining 3dpt.. Implantation begins, as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining 4dpt.. Implantation process continues and morula buries deeper in the lining 5dpt.. Morula is completely implanted in the lining and has placentacells & fetal cells 6dpt...Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood 7dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops 8dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops 9dpt...HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on HPT Posted Jul 21 2009, 12:51 PM by gsbabies with 1 comment(s)

• The emotional roller coaster begins..

  I've been here before, thrilled with my transfer and very hopeful. However, now that I've had a BFN I feel so guarded. I almost can't enjoy how well everything went. This morning I called SIRM and told them I really wanted to do 3. They had only defrosted the best two and said they would go ahead and thaw the other straw that had the other 2. When I got there I got my pics. I think those are the greatest! I love to just stare at the pics (like any proud mama!) and think about what they look like....what they would look like as little babies. So there I was with my pics one of my girls was "ify" and another one had a dead cell. The "ify" one we refroze. We had three that the RE said looked "good". I get hung up on what they say, could they have been "great" thus making "good" just not as "good"? Anyway, the dr. reminded us the risks of putting in 3. He kinda wanted us to just do 2 but I just did not want to have the same regrets that I had during the fresh. I wanted this to be the BEST possible try that I could have. So, my babies get sucked up & he shoots them in gives them to the embryologist and she says "we've got one still in there!". Oh my! I was like, maybe we are only supposed to do 2. They said b/c it had burst out of its shell it was pretty "sticky". I thought ...bring that one over here and shoot it up if it is extra sticky...that one is a keeper! So, I hope the other two didn't come flying out as the 3rd one went in. But afterwards I told my DH that I really think this was the best we could have done. There was NO way we were going to put in all 4. Even I wasn't alright with that!! The didn't "regrade" the embies. The original grades were 1 hatching, 1 almost hatching, 2 hatching. I hope I have one little DD in there!!! So now for the wait. My nurse has an office filled with beautiful pics of her little baby girl. She did IVF there (I'm sure not for geder as she only has the one) and I was talking to her about testing. She said that she was a bad patient and coudn't stand the wait and POAS at home. She said that every single one was neg. I will get my 1st BETA in 9 days...not too bad considering where I did my fresh I had to wait until 14 (but I got around it...it was still much longer!) I"m keeping her story in my back pocket in case I don't get a BFP on my HPTs. I am going to try my best to wait until 6 days past. That means Sunday. That is still early so I will try to talk myself into waiting longer but I'm pretty impatient. Luckily I have managed to misplace my HPTs that I had gotten from the dollar tree. I will have to go on a mad rampage after bedrest is over. I am also getting an EPT of FRER for the first day. Oh my!! This is all too much. What happen to the good old days of DTD and rolling over and going to sleep!! Posted Jul 20 2009, 09:06 PM by gsbabies with 1 comment(s)

• My transfer is in >24 HRS!!!!

  So yesterday I made the mistake of looking up FET stats on the SART website for my clinic. Yes, I have looked at them before but they are so awful that I try to not think about it. There are many factors and that is what I have to keep telling my self to feel better. 1. their fresh rate is so high that those that do the frozen are in the minority to begin with. 2. they have mostly infertile patients 3. Most people put their 2 best ones in for the fresh so they are left with the less than than the best. Anyway, I was getting a little down in the dumps & DH looked at the stats again & was like wow...maybe we should do 3 this time. DONE!!! That is all it took...I'm going to call 1st thing Monday morning and have them see if they can go ahead and set me up to do 3. Ironically after I was done getting myself all hyper about the stats I decided to go check the mail. You wouldn't believe what was in there!! 2 GIANT sample cans of Similac formula! Now, I used to get stuff like this all the time. It was ridiculous but I seriously don't think I've gotten any coupons/samples of formula for at least a yr. I thought either this is a sign or a slap in the face! Please say sign...please say sign!! So, tomorrow is my BIG day! I will have (hopefully 3) little girls swimming around in my uterus. I hope that one will snuggle up and stay for awhile...8 or 9 mos. Another random tidbit: My friend has 2 adopted boys and was just chosen by a birth mom that is having a girl. The birth mom's due date was yesterday so it is an any day now thing. I am so happy for her & hope that I can have MY girl too!!! Her oldest boy is 6 mos older than my oldest boy & her youngest boy is 7 mos younger than my youngest boy. So it would be so fitting for her little girl to be just 8 or 9 mos older than mine! Posted Jul 19 2009, 02:52 PM by gsbabies with 2 comment(s)

• Going nuts!

  I'm so excited that transfer is just around the corner but at the same time I'm so nervous. I know I have a little girl out there but where the H is she??? Is she is a shipping container frozen at SIRM Dallas? Is she in a birth mother's tummy in Russia? Is she in a Russian baby house? whew....I'm trying not to stress about it but geeze louise...this stuff is huge! Ummm...think this may be God's way of showing me I'm not in control? Oh what a struggle. So, the RE said he would want to try to just put back 2 but I have convinced myself that I NEED to put back 3. I'll have to call the office on Fri or send an email b/c I am so nervous and want the best chances possible. I really feel like a fool for only putting back ONE last time. I wanted to put back 2 & I got shot down by my DH. Now I'm grasping as much hope as possible, as many % points as possible. I'm happy that in 2 wks I'll know what is going on. I'll be even more happpy if I'll have a due date by then.   Posted Jul 15 2009, 06:09 PM by gsbabies with 3 comment(s)

• Transfer Set!!!

  Whoo hoo! I'm scheduled for the 20th (Monday) exactly as predicted. I LOVE that it is on the 20th b/c MY b'day is on the 20th of Jan & my DS1 was born on the 20th of Sept. 20 is a lucky number of mine! This cycle has had a lot of meaningful dates/numbers. I started injections on Father's Day, tomorrow is my Dad's b'day (the 1st b'day after his death), & now transfer on the 20th! AT my appt they checked my lining & it was at 14 & he said he was looking for at least 9. I should get my estrogen levels sometime today and he expects them to be just fine. I'm so excited to "know" if I'm pregnant in about 2 wks. In 2 wks I will probably be POASing. I will get my 1st beta after 10 days (from Monday). That is exciting since at my other dr's office they wouldn't do beta until 14 days. 4 whole days is A LOT! I'm just soo full of emotions. I want this to work so very badly but I've wanted that before and know how horrific it is when it doesn't work. I'm trying so hard to stay pos but also trying not to get blindsided like I did last time. Ugghhh... I'm just THRILLED to know the agony of not knowing will end in about 2 weeks!!!! YIPPI!!!!! Posted Jul 13 2009, 03:01 PM by gsbabies with no comments

• Estrogen

  I was told to raise my dose again. My levels were 355 today and need to be 500 in order to transfer. Everyone seems to think I am on schedule. I'm looking forward to finding out more on Monday. Posted Jul 10 2009, 09:41 PM by gsbabies with 1 comment(s)

• My Dr. appt went well

  I had my Dr. appt yesterday (Tues) & was told to double my estrogen shot. Wow! It was so painful... for some reason the needles feel so dull so my DH has to cram that thing in my butt. Here he is cramming it in and I flinch & DH yells and I yell...I was like "what are YOU screaming for?!?!" I'm the one getting a huge needle in the butt! He said it just looks so awful & then my butt was bleeding through the bandaid so I had to use another bandaid. Then after all of that DH has to massage the spot that the needle went in. This advice was never given to me on my last cycle and would have been helpful as I had so many bruises and knots on my butt that it literally hurt everytime I sat down.   I'm thankful that I've only had to do this 3 times not everyday like the progesterone shots after transfer. I have another appt. on Friday for my estrogen levels then an exciting appt on Monday for u/s & b/w. I was told that on Monday I should have a good idea of my transfer date. I'm sooo ready! Posted Jul 08 2009, 05:48 PM by gsbabies with 1 comment(s)