We had our talk with the Dr Friday over the phone and it went pretty well. This was the most helpful he has been so I was excited that I didn't have to get mad b/c I didn't have any energy left that late in the week.
He told me that they really couldn't believe that I didn't get pregnant. I was a text-book example of everything and my embryos were "perfect". He said I merely fell victim to the odds. So, I was able to find out the rest of my embryo's grades too. Both of my boys are grade 1 hatching blasts. Grade 1 being the highest. I have a girl grade 1 hatching blasts, grade 1 not quite hatching and a grade 2 hatching and a grade 2 not yet hatching. He said the 2s were high 2s like a B+.
It was good to hear that I have some great looking girls on ice!
So, every single day (for awhile now) I have a terrible headache. I know it is stress. I just don't know where to go from here. I am ALWAYS a girl with a plan and I am just swimming around in a sea of indecision and I feel like I'm going to drown!!
I tell myself I want to adopt and then I decide that I should do the IVF. I keep hearing a still small voice telling me just to trust in the Lord and He will do what is best. I am terrified of going au naturale. I am so scared I will just have another boy. Yes, that sounds terrible....I know.
Before I went to bed last night I asked for a dream to tell me what to do. In my dream I had a little baby girl. I saw her I held her and I saw her beautiful face. She had a little tiny pink bow in her hair and had just a tiny bit of dark brown hair (just like my boys did) and she had the darkest little skin (just like my boys). The skin thing is so funny b/c my babies have both had the most beautiful complexions when they were born. My DH and I are pastey white so it is a huge deal that they are so dark compared to us. However, that goes away in the first month! My younger one has a little bit darker skin but the oldest is stark white just like me and DH. We were sad his pretty coloring faded away.
Anyway so I was holding this beautiful baby and showing her to my friend that lives out of town b/c in my dream she was visiting. She has a DD 6 mo older than my DS and her DD2 is 2 wks younger than my DS2. When we found out we were pregnant at the same time with #2 we both wished so badly for opposite genders. We couldn't believe that we both ended up with 2 of a kind. So this friend is in my dream with her family but in my dream she had 3 DDs instead of 2 DDs(which is what she has in real life) The youngest was about a yr old in my dream. She just looked at my DD and asked "Did you do anything differently?" and then I woke up.
So, DID I Do anything differently? If this dream is truly a vision of what my future holds it is telling me that I won't be adopting Internationally. That I will have to wait for my friend to have a baby before I will even get pregnant (and she isn't pregnant now or has any plans to be in the very near future) and that I will finally get my DD.
So, did I just give up on IVF or was this an IVF baby? Did I go natural or did I sway? Am I reading too much into this dream? YES!!!
So another day (s) , week(s) go by and still undecided. I only know that I was a victim.