I am still freaking out. I don't have a plan. I am still mad/sad/depressed/whiney ect about the BFN. I didn't realize it would be so hard. I do know that I appreciate the two little boys I do have and I thank God every day that I was able to just do the deed and get pregnant with them! That is what a BFN from IVF will remind you!
I have researched so many different things on my computer that my laptop probably just lost a year off of its life since it has been working overtime! I have always considered adoption and have always had Russia picked as a country. I don't know why. That is the funniest part. My husband keeps telling me Russia is overrated and I say I don't care I just have always had Russia on the tip of my adoption tougue.
Adoption isn't really high on my DH's list of things to do in life. He is really not into international adoption. Everything I have looked into seems like it will take an eternity and cost a small fortune! We have already spent so much. I think our Dr was one of the most expensive ones but when I researched I hadn't found this site yet and didn't know so many dr's did PGD for family balancing. My Dr told us our chances were 74% so I thought it was goin to work!
Anyway, I was against the FET but now I'm thinking I may do it. What is my cutoff? How much money am I going to feed into this? At least with the moster cost of international adoption you get a DD at the end of it (even if it takes forever).
Why can't I have tons of money? If I did I would do the FET and start the adoption process too. I would keep doing both until I got a DD. Now that is determination! However, since we have already spent more than we saved the financial end is kinda the problem. I just don't want to wait any longer!!!! I want my DD!! Where in the heck is she?
So what to do? My DH has been out of town all week and comes home tomorrow. I already warned him that we would need to talk about all of this once he gets back. He actually told me on the phone the other night that he is already "burnt out" about talking about all of this! Like I care! I am an emotional basketcase and it isn't going to change until I get a plan. I need a plan!!
I just feel so lost. I don't have any answers and I am usually a woman with answers! What to do? What to do? What to do?