On This Very Day...
September 10, 2008 is a day I'll never forget. I woke up nervous, excited, anxious... I was in Laguna Hills, California. Bill and I woke up early to go down to the Microsort office for him to give his sample. The morning was cloudy and cool and absolutely amazing! We (of course) got lost and couldn't find the office, and I was frantic. Finally, we found where we needed to go. We weren't there long as Bill was able to do his part easily! We left there and went to a big breakfast at a great greasy-spoon joint that the name escapes me just now... I remember it started with a C. Then, knowing we had some time, we took a drive to Aliso Beach. It was beyond amazing! We stood and stared out into the ocean... quiet with our own thoughts. We stood there a long, long time. It was so peaceful. I just knew we were doing the right thing. Together, hand in hand, we began walking... and talking. We talked about why we were there - what it meant for our future. We talked about the future we anticipated and made plans for things to come. As we walked I found that white heart shaped shell that I just knew was my sign that all was going to work out. As things began to get emotional and a little to "real," Bill broke the tension with, "A little porn... a GREAT breakfast, and a walk along a beautiful beach with you... Not a bad way to start the day!" (His humor is what made me fall in love with him in the first place!)
Then the call came... and it was time to head back to the clinic. Time to make this miracle happen. We didn't have to wait long once we arrived. It actually seemed to be going too fast! I remember feeling as if I was going to pass out and having to breathe slowly so my nerves didn't completely take over. The nurse walked in... did a quick explanation of what was about to happen, and then we got started. Through the eyes of an ultrasound machine, I was able to see the miracle more or less take place. It was surreal. I rubbed and rubbed that heart shaped shell like my life depended on it. I felt as though it just might. After laying there for what seemed like an eternity - holding my husband's amazingly strong hands in silence, we were told we could go. Just like that... all of the planning, secrecy, working to make this happen, and we were done. Just done.
Little did I know that one year ago today I would be blessed. Blessed beyond words with the sweetest gift God could give me. There have been so many times since that beautiful September day that I felt cursed rather than blessed. Punished, damned... anything but taken care of, loved, given a true gift. But a gift I was given... the packaging was just not what I had expected. Of course, when we expect a certain gift, often times it's not quite as exciting once we have it, you know? Then there are surprises... those that you think are awful and NOT what you wanted, hoped, or dreamed for at all... but, once that surprise package is opened, looked at, held, and - eventually - treasured... isn't it better than what your expectations could have ever prevailed? I have to say yes.